Measure of a Man
by Brenna
Summary: Toby's thought's after the events of 17 People.


Title: Measure of a Man  
Author: Brenna (tkeefer6@home.com)  
Website: http://blake.prohosting.com/wwffa/  
Spoilers: "17 People"  
Summary: Toby reflects on what the President revealed.  
Disclaimer: The West Wing and its characters are the property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers, and NBC. No Copyright Infringement is intended.  
Author's Notes: Response to the Word/Quote a Month challenge on my site.  
Archive: Ask first please.  
Feedback: Love it.

Toby sat contemplating the paper he held in his hand. After leaving the Oval Office not more than an hour ago, he had come directly back to his own office. In righteous anger he had pounded his frustration out on the abused keyboard of his computer. He'd finished writing it in less than ten minutes, and now he did nothing. Nothing but stare at it, this hated document. He wasn't even sure what he hated more about it. The very thought of it's existence, the reason he'd been forced to write it, or the feelings it evoked in him.

_'I am not wrong to feel this way,'_ he thought. _'He lied to me. The President lied to me. What's worse, is that he lied to the American people. They voted for him. Put the fate of this great nation in his hands, and he lied to them.'_ Toby looked down again at the paper he clutched in his hand. _'Be honest with yourself, Toby,'_ he told himself. '_It's not that he lied to the public. It's that he lied to me personally, and that Leo lied to me as well. They didn't trust me.'_

Toby's thoughts were interrupted as Leo knocked on the door.

"Toby?" he asked. "Are you gonna be ok?"

"I don't know, Leo," admitted Toby. "I just don't know how to feel about this."

"Please, Toby. Don't do anything tonight," begged Leo. "Let it sink in a little. Think about it, but tomorrow I'll need to know where you stand."

"I won't do anything tonight, Leo."

"See me tomorrow morning before the senior staff meeting then."

"When are you going to tell the others?" asked Toby.

"I don't know. That's up to the President. I guess it partly depends on what your reaction is."

Toby nodded. It was no less than he'd expected. His reaction would determine the others. Sam, Josh, CJ...they'd most likely react the same way he did. Leo and the President were using him as a barometer for the other's reactions.

"Well, I'm going to head home. I'll see you in the morning, Toby."

"Right."

"Toby?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," admitted Leo. "I should have forced Jed into admitting his MS when I found out last year. I should have at least made him tell the rest of the senior staff."

"Yes, you should have."

"He's my best friend, Toby" explained Leo. "I couldn't force him to make this public, and maybe I didn't want to face it myself. Maybe as long as I could ignore it, I didn't have to face the fact that my best friend has a life threatening disease."

Toby nodded "I understand, Leo. But he isn't just your best friend. He's the President of the United States! He has a responsibility to the American people, and he hasn't lived up to it. By keeping this secret he has perpetrated a fraud against the public, and he has made us all accomplices! We could go to jail Leo!"

"I know," admitted Leo. "I just don't know what we do about it." Leo drew a deep breath, and Toby waited thinking he had more to say, but Leo just stared at Toby for a minute more then turned away.

_'Well that could have gone better,' _thought Toby before looking down again at the paper in his hand. '_We put him on a pedestal because he's the President, and now he's been knocked off it...in my mind at least. And soon in the minds of everyone else. We expect him to be the ideal man, but he isn't. He's just a man...just the most powerful man in the world. How can anyone expect to live up to that? We measure him against men like Washington and Lincoln...FDR, but is that fair? Great men who lived in great times. They governed during times of adversity. Their foibles were hidden or ignored because of the times they lived in. Because they had to be. Because when they governed the nation didn't have time for petty scandals like this. There were more important things to deal with than Lincoln's crazy wife or FDR's polio. Could FDR have been elected today? Could Lincoln or Washington?'_

_'The measure of a man...' _mused Toby. _'King said it..."The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." How should we measure President Bartlet? I guess the real question is how do I measure him? More importantly, how do I measure myself? Our time of comfort and convenience is gone. Challenge and controversy are coming, and where do I stand? Do I stand with the President? If not with the President then where?'_

The paper in his hand seemed to be a burning accusation in his mind. Toby read the words he had written on the paper again. He continued to sit contemplating the decision he must make throughout the night. Finally as the dawn began to brush the sky in the window outside his office, Toby stood staring out at the beginning of this new day. He realized then that there really was no decision to make. 

"I serve at the pleasure of the President," he said into the quiet of his office before ripping the letter in his hand into tiny pieces. Taking an ashtray from his desk drawer, Toby set the pieces of his letter of resignation into it and lit them on fire. "I stand with the President."


End file.
